What your friend with endometriosis wants you to know
Chances are, someone you know and love has endometriosis. Endometriosis is a somewhat common condition- affecting around 1 in 10 women and those born with a uterus. It’s in the top 20 most painful conditions to live with, and yet also takes several years minimum for most individuals to receive a diagnosis. Endometriosis is understudied and underfunded when it comes to research. While we continue to advocate and try to change this, it’s important to recognize the impact that endo can have.
If you’ve ever talked with someone who has endo, you might already know some of the ways it can affect your loved one. But if you haven’t, here are some of the difficulties that can come with endometriosis. Symptoms caused by endometriosis include: painful periods, pain with sex, pain with bowel movements or urination, excessive bleeding, infertility, fatigue, diarrhea, constipation, bloating, and nausea. Additionally, endometriosis is associated with chronic inflammation that can spread beyond just the reproductive organs.
So, what does your friend with endometriosis want you to know?
It’s not just painful periods.
Here’s what else it is…
It’s managing the ups and downs, every single day. It’s managing pain that’s sometimes impossible to push through, and other times something you have to push through. It’s navigating diet changes, doctors appointments, medication trials, finding the right movement, hormone management, and more. It’s living with comorbidities like autoimmune diseases, gastrointestinal disorders, fybromyalgia, migraines, anxiety, depression, adenomyosis, and PCOS. It’s finding a way to cope emotionally with all of the pain. It’s feeling grief over a healthy body free of pain, which you might never have again.
Period pain isn’t normal.
Please stop normalizing period pain. It’s not normal, and when you address it as such, it can be extremely invalidating for those who experience chronic pain associated with their menstrual cycle. No one is or should be content with simply living in pain for a full week (or longer) once a month (and usually much more frequently than this).
Instead, try simply validating their pain. Tell them you understand and offer support- emotional or physical, depending on what you can offer.
There is no cure for endometriosis, and the future can feel scary.
Yes, there are options for managing endometriosis symptoms and pain. But none of those are a cure or a permanent solution. It can feel really scary to get a diagnosis and know it will be something you live with forever. The reality of navigating the pain and the symptoms, as well as managing potential fertility issues can be overwhelming at times. The future can feel really unknown and hopeless, and that can cause a lot of anxiety as well.
As a friend to someone with endometriosis, allow space for all of these feelings. Remind them that even with all the unknown, you will be there to support them, no matter what may happen.
Your support and awareness means everything.
You don’t have to have all the answers or even the “right” thing to say. Just simply showing up openly and listening can mean so much. Individuals with endo and other chronic conditions often experience a lot of invalidation and gaslighting from medical providers and even sometimes friends and family. By being a safe person who will truly listen and learn, you give them safety and care. Being a support person also helps minimize feelings of isolation and depression that individuals with endo might experience.
Are you an endo warrior looking for more support? Or a friend searching for support? Let’s connect! I’m a therapist who specializes in endometriosis and has lived experience. I see clients across Maryland, Colorado, South Carolina, and Vermont.
Schedule a free consult call to connect
Elizabeth Allen, LCPAT, LPC, LGPC, ATR-BC
Creative Pathways Counseling
