Intellectualizing in therapy: How it affects anxious perfectionists
If you’ve ever been in therapy, you’ve probably had a therapist ask you “how does that make you feel?” when you’re sharing about a particular event, conversation, or experience. This is one of those cliche therapy questions, but in reality, it actually reveals a lot to your therapist. An easy, straightforward response to this question would be “sad” or “happy” or “angry,” right? The interesting thing is that many people won’t actually respond with an emotion word or phrase. They might start analyzing the experience even further, reflecting on their thoughts about it, but not actually addressing their feelings.
You might be wondering, am I doing something wrong if I’m answering with analysis over emotions?
You’re definitely not doing anything wrong, but let’s talk about what’s actually happening here. You’re likely using intellectualization as a defense or coping mechanism. Psychology Today defines intellectualization as “a defense mechanism in which people reason about a problem to avoid uncomfortable or distressing emotions.”
The key word here is really “avoid".” Avoiding our true emotions can be self-protective, preservation, and comfort. Feeling our real emotions can be extremely uncomfortable, especially if you feel things deeply, have a low window of tolerance, or have never seen emotions expressed in a safe and healthy way. It might subconsciously feel like too much to even start to process, so instead, you use only the logical side of your brain to work through it. There are certainly times where this can be helpful, such as times where it’s not safe or appropriate to express emotions or in a work environment. The problem is that often times those feelings are pushed to the side, saved for later, but then never actually addressed. When we don’t address or express emotions, they can build up and become overwhelming when we finally do release them.
So, what can I do if I’m an intellectualizer?
To start, you can allow yourself to begin to notice it more. Take a mental note every time you notice yourself engaging in intellectualization. Then, pay attention to how and why that occurs. There may be specific triggers or patterns to when this happens. If you can figure that out, you’re off to a great start. Bringing awareness to your mind and body in these moments can be helpful, and can allow you to start to change the pattern. You can also use any sort of grounding or mindfulness strategies to bring your mind back to your body instead of ignoring it.
Additionally, if you notice this kind of intellectualizing happening frequently, you may want to invest time and energy exploring it in therapy. A therapist who specializes in anxiety may be helpful in guiding you through this and exploring other factors that may be contributing to this response.
How do you explore intellectualization in your therapy work?
As a therapist who specializes in therapy for anxiety, working with perfectionists, people-pleasers, overachievers, and sensitive souls, I bring some particular tools and techniques to the table. When we notice intellectualization occurring, we’ll work together to identify methods to working through it. We may use art therapy to support you in expressing the intellectualization as well as the underlying emotions it’s protecting. I might incorporate EMDR to help process memories or experiences associated with big emotions that may be contributing to intellectualization. Or, we may simply work together to start to track the patterns and understand what mindfulness and self-compassion can do to help you through those moments.
Wherever you’re at in your journey with anxiety, intellectualizing, or perfectionism, now is the time to give therapy a try. I work with clients in my Baltimore therapy office, as well as virtually throughout Maryland, Colorado, and South Carolina to help process big emotions and heal past patterns.
Elizabeth Allen, LCPAT, LPC, LGPC, ATR-BC
Creative Pathways Counseling
